Make A Wish
by POIphantomgirl
Summary: No boundaries. No hesitation. No holding back. Will John ask Joss for the gift he truly wants?
1. Chapter 1

_Happy Birthday to you_

 _Happy birthday to you_

 _Happy birthday dear John_

 _Happy birthday to you_

John shook his head, amusement twinkling in his eyes as Joss clapped her hands. His eyes went to the chocolate cake. When she invited him over to enjoy her takeout he had no idea that this was what she had up her sleeve. After they finished eating, she disappeared into the kitchen, darkening her home before calling him into the room with her where she held a candlelit cake and broke out into the Happy Birthday song.

He stared at her.

"What?" She asked. "Did you think I'd never find out? I was waiting for you to just admit it was your birthday, but then I realized I'd be waiting forever on you. So I decided to surprise you. Happy birthday." His eyes ran over the cake, and the flickering fire, before returning to the woman standing at his side. He couldn't believe her.

She waited with an expected look. "Well go on. Make a wish and blow out the candles." He kept staring. Arching a brow Joss leaned onto one hip. "I'm waiting."

Smirking John turned his attention to the chocolate cake, topped with ruby strawberries. Make a wish. He paused, thinking carefully. This was a tradition he hadn't done…in a very long time. What did he want?

His eyes shifted to Joss again. Oh yeah. Joss definitely had what he wanted. All he wanted.

Joss' brow pinched at the look in his eye. She saw his hesitation as he thought about what to wish for. But when he looked at her the hesitation vanished.

Bending over he blew out the candles.

"Not bad. Now let's cut this bad boy and eat it." She pulled out a knife and went to work cutting the layered cake.

"You didn't have to do this Carter."

"I know. I wanted to do something for you. You shouldn't spend your birthday alone." He heard the sincerity in her voice. "If it were me here instead of you, you'd do the same. I know." She handed him a large slice of cake and was caught in those blue eyes.

"Thank you." His voice was soft. The only space between them was the small saucer of cake, the one they both held.

"Any time." She lingered. The way he was looking at her made her shiver. It was the same look he gave her before she felt his kiss in the more. The air thickened. Trying to lift the tension Joss turned away and leaned on the counter. "So, what'd you wish for?"

His lips lifted. "Interrogating me on my birthday?"

"Can you blame me? You took some time to think before you blew the candles out."

His only reply was a twitch of his brow.

"Ok fine. Keep your secret. What's one more secret between us anyway?" She didn't mean to sound bitter, so she quickly changed the topic. "If you don't want to tell me then answer this. What do you want for your birthday? Tell me a gift I can give you."

"You don't have to-"

"John just answer the question. I want to. Please. You do so much for me. For others. Let me do something for you."

Those brown eyes were always hypnotizing. And they were hypnotizing him now. Drawing him in. Making him want to tell her things he ought to keep hidden. What if he asked her for the gift he wanted? For the gift only she could fill. He looked down at his slice of cake. It was losing its appeal. Sitting it on the counter he ran a hand over the back of his neck.

Could he really do this? Tell her what he had wished for and give her the option to make it come true? Would she ever agree to it?

Joss rubbed her arm. What was up with him? He actually looked nervous. Anxious. Face slightly flushed. She wanted to urge him for an answer, her curiosity almost strangling her. "John-"

"Do you ever think about that night?"

Her mouth snapped shut. She knew what night he was referring to. "Every day." She answered truthfully.

"Do you ever wonder…what life would be like if you and me…"

"You and me…what?"

"If things were different. If we didn't have anything keeping us from…"

She tilted her head wishing he would just say the words.

"…being together."

He watched her, holding his breath, terrified of how she would respond. She only looked confused. "What does this have to do with your birthday gift?"

"I'm never going to be with you Joss. But that doesn't keep me from wondering what life with you would be like."

Joss shifted on her feet. "John," she said gently.

"One day Carter." His looked at her, the vulnerability there silencing her. With one step he came closer. "Give me one day to know what life with you is really like. That's my wish. One day. You and me. No boundaries. Nothing holding us back. No fear or worrying about the consequences of telling each other…how we feel."

She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "So, what? Are you saying you want us to pretend to be involved for a day?"

"Not pretend." This was not going well, John thought in frustration scraping a hand over his face. "Be honest with each other. I don't want you to lie, but I know…there's something between us. And I know with our lives we can never be together. Ever. But, if we could have just one moment, at least for the rest of our lives we'll know exactly what's between us." As he spoke his hand lifted as if to touch her face, before he hesitated and dropped it.

Her chest heaved as she stared at him in disbelief. How long had it taken him to come up with this crazy idea? And he not only had the audacity to think it up, but he had the boldness to suggest it to her. Even worse, she was considering saying yes.

Turning away she hugged her waist. Shame her inquiring mind. But the chance to finally learn all the things hidden beneath John's shell was near impossible to resist. No boundaries. A chance to find out the reason behind that kiss. To admit the reason why she kissed him back.

 _And maybe kiss him again._

Ugh. She needed to think clearly not about kissing him again.

No consequences, he had said. Was that part really true?

She felt him at her backside. Could feel the tension radiating off his body. He knew he had placed everything on the line with his request.

"Joss, I'm sorry." He felt like an idiot. Had he just ruined everything. He shouldn't have risked this. He knew she cared for him, but only as a friend. It was dumb to think she could feel more. "I don't have any expectations from you. Even if…your feelings are not what mine are, I understand. I just need to tell you…"

She spared a glance at him over her shoulder. Big mistake. Those hopeless pleading blue depths tore away any argument she had. He wasn't the type to beg. Until now. "What happens when it's over? What are we supposed to do?"

"We go back to the way things are. When it's over, it's over."

Was it really going to be that easy? After opening an emotional can worms, unsure how deep the other was in, could they just bounce back to their corners? Return to their hiding places?

This wasn't a good idea.

But even as the thought formed in her mind, her mouth had other ideas. "You'll be honest, right? No holding back." It was the chance of lifetime.

Wait! John stiffened. Had he heard her correctly? Was she actually considering it? He couldn't squander the hope rising in him. "I promise." Taking her shaking hand, he placed it over his heart. "No holding back."

Her heart raced at the way his eyes caressed her face. _She_ was his birthday wish. It was so easy to give him what he wanted, but to give it, she would have to give everything. "When?"

He took another step, the only sign of his anxiousness. Of his growing excitement that she just might agree. "Tomorrow."

She could get off work. It paid to have a good record. "What if you get a call?"

He shook his head. "There won't be any numbers."

She took a deep breath. "Okay. Only one condition. We keep Taylor out of this. I don't want him caught up in the thought of you and me being together, if it's not permanent." He nodded. Joss took a deep breath. "Okay John. Tomorrow." She cleared her throat taking a step back suddenly needing to escape. To breathe. To be anywhere, but with him right now. "I guess I should go."

John stopped her with a hand when she tried to step around his body. A smug smirk in place. "You live here Joss."

She clenched her teeth, embarrassed. "Right. Well if I knew your address I could've thrown this little birthday party at your place. I can't just kick you out on your birthday."

"I'll go Joss." He bent to give her a kiss to the head, but her hand on his chest stopped him. "Tomorrow John."

He nodded. "Tomorrow." Stepping away he walked to the door.

 _Tomorrow._


	2. Chapter 2

**Ok, so yes this story is not over. Sorry for not responding individually to the reviews, it's just there were a lot of predictions and I decided to wait until the posting of this chapter because I didn't want to give anything away. But thank you to each and everyone who commented (Impvme, ravenhusker, Bklyngrl, KMGF, SWWoman, JayJR, the 3 guests, ElliQuinn, ReadtoRelax, and Jhill88), I'm so glad you are enjoying the story so far. And sorry to KMFG that there wasn't an update on March 20, but it is here now. Thanks again everyone!**

John tilted his head, admiring Joss' sleeping form. If he could ever marry her, he would never tire of waking up to that face every morning. Lightly he brushed his fingers down her cheek. Her skin felt the way he remembered. She released a soft barely noticeable moan and stirred. Those long lashes fluttered.

When her eyes opened she focused on him slowly. "Morning Joss."

The soft look vanished and her eyes widened. "John!" Joss threw the covers over her head. She couldn't believe he showed up. "John you could've told me you were coming!" She was so embarrassed. She looked awful. No doubt crust in her eyes from sleep, pillow imprints on her cheeks and…really her hair wasn't even unwrapped. This was not what she wanted John to see.

"Joss. Please come out of there." His voice was closer. She knew he had kneeled beside the bed.

"No! John get out!"

"Please."

"No! Just leave. I'll be ready in ten minutes."

"Joss-"

"I'm not playing with you John Reese. Go."

He smiled knowing she couldn't see. "Ok. I'm leaving." Standing, he walked to the door. He wasn't sure he liked her feeling uncomfortable around him, even if she didn't 'look her best'. John paused, turning back. She still was hiding beneath the cover. "Joss. I think you look beautiful."  
Finally Joss peeked out, relieved to see the space in the door empty. Her anger faded and a smile she couldn't fight tightened her cheeks. Fresh from a heavy sleep and John Reese thought she was beautiful. She shook her head. What was she in for today?

…..

"It smells good down here. What are you cooking?"

John looked up and scanned the length of Joss relieved to see all trace of embarrassment removed from her face. She was so beautiful. "Our breakfast."

She folded her arms feeling the heat from his admiring gaze. "Didn't mean to freak out on you upstairs, but you surprised me." A very pleasant blush touched her cheeks as he continued to stare at her in silence. "John?"

He took a breath. This was awkward for her. He could see in the way she folded her arms and didn't hold his gaze for more than a few seconds at a time. It was awkward for him. They were too used to hiding their emotions. They had to get over this or nothing would go as it should.

He took a breath. He was just going to have to take the plunge. Not breaking his stare, he walked to her, noticing how she squared her shoulders. With confidence, he uncrossed her arms, and pulled her to him in a swift motion. Kissing the top of her head he let his eyes close, taking a moment to bask in the feel of having Jocelyn Carter in his arms. Something he had wanted for far too long.

Joss was stunned. They were touching. His arms were around her. His broad chest and shoulders engulfed her smaller form. It was weird, but it felt so right. And he smelled so good. Joss inhaled, her hands finding their way around his waist. Her cheek rested against the soft material of the red pull over sweater he wore. His hold was firm but gentle. Perfect. Forget breakfast, she would be fine if they stayed like this all day. It felt good to be held. And by a man she had secretly wanted to hold her.

Slowly he pulled away looking down. Joss took a breath a corner of her mouth twitching upward. "I think tearing down these walls is going to be harder than we thought."

"I might have something that can help." John tried to still himself for his next move. "What do you want to know about me?"

A beat of silence. "Don't play John. You know better than to ask me that."

"No, tell me. What do you want to know," he tightened his hold needing to draw from her strength. He would definitely need it for the interrogation she was about to lay on him.

She arched a brow. "Serious? I can ask anything?"

He swallowed. "Anything. I told you I would hold back. So ask me."

…..

He had no family left. Lost his dad at five, his mom was gone by eighteen. No siblings and he wasn't close to any cousins. On his own since eighteen, the army became his life. Fighting his passion and his only love. Until he met Jessica. Joss was awed by the details of his life that he willingly shared. Information that made her understand him and made her heart ache for him. She held him tight when he finished. He had remained stiff for several minutes, until he succumbed to her embraced and squeezed her until breathing became difficult.

By the time they finished their breakfast, nothing was left hidden. Telling details from his past left John tense and exhausted. Feeling Joss's comfort made him feel more like a man. Not a machine. Made him touch a piece of humanness that he had buried long ago. The emotional journey left him feeling anxious so he took her shooting to release the tension.

On their arrival John turned the tables on her and began a line of questioning. Specifically asking questions on her relationship with Paul. She loaded her gun and aimed it at the target. She fired. "It was time to let Paul in. For Taylor's sake."

John couldn't focus much on the shooting. He glanced her way. "Is it hard having him around again?"

She aimed. "It was at first. He was my first real love. I thought we'd grow old together, have more kids, have grandkids, celebrate fifty years of marriage. Paul Carter was my world. I could look in his eyes and be the woman I wanted to be. See my entire future. He gave me my greatest gift through Taylor. Seeing him again brought back the old disappointments and shattered dreams."

John clenched his jaw. It was hard hearing her talk about another man. Especially one she had shared a life and child with and still might want to have a future with. Did she still love him? "Did you…when he came back…did you…"

Joss looked at him.

"Do you want to get back with him or think about getting back together again?"

Joss chuckled. "I used to dream that we would. I wanted Taylor to have his family. But I don't feel that way anymore. It would no longer be about Taylor. He's almost grown and most of his life we haven't been together. And I think you can guess the other reason." She gave him a pointed look with a twinkle in her eye.

John's brow lifted. "I can?"

She smirked and faced her target once more. "There's no way I could think about getting back with Paul when you're around."

The gun fired as Joss waited for John's next question. Instead she found herself jumping when his hands gently covered hers. Joss took a breath, relaxing against him as he lowered their hands and tugged the gun free from her grasp. Strong hands slid up the length of her arms; Joss's heart beat erratically. Their cheeks brushed, then she felt the softness of his lips against her skin. Abruptly he turned her, kissing her urgently.

John wasn't sure what her answer truly meant, but for a moment he had to believe that she didn't reconcile with her ex-husband because she wanted him. Only him. John pulled her tightly to him.

Joss melted into the kiss her arms snaking around his neck, fingers splaying in his hair. Eagerly she kissed him needing to comfort him, to assure him that she was here, that she wanted him. She sighed as he ran his hands up her back, before cupping her face. He started to pull away, but Joss held on. What was is about this man that made her what to shower him with love more and more? John gripped her cheeks forcing them a part. He stroked her skin looking deep into her eyes, intensifying Joss's already dazed state.

"I love you Jocelyn."

She blinked searching his eyes. The raw truth she found in their depths was both frightening and intoxicating. Her chin quivered. Ducking her head, she fought the onslaught of tears. She knew the moment she agreed to this half-brained scheme of his that he would make her cry before the day was up.

Carefully John lifted her chin. He needed her attention. Tears were falling down her face. His thumbs swiped the wetness away. He hadn't wanted to tell her like this, but for today he was going to be emotionally reckless. "I will **always** love you. Every step to get to you has been worth it. You…you've made it all worth it."

"John…" She didn't deserve this. Why couldn't he focus on her flaws? Instead of standing here saying that she was the desirable tradeoff for all the pain he had endured. He placed a kiss to her cheek then with rushed movements kissed her again.

It took Joss only a moment to realize his ploy. Frowning she shoved at his chest. "No. You're not going to do that. You're not going to distract me so you can avoid hearing my response to what you just said."

His eyes dulled, his hands dropping to his side. Joss shook her head taking a step back.

"John are you really that afraid that I don't feel the same? That after all we've been through I only find you attractive? Do you still not get it? You're an idiot."

Despite himself he smiled. Only Joss Carter could make an insult feel like a compliment. "You're always putting yourself beneath the bar. Always thinking you're less than. Even with me. Can't you just take what I say at face value some times? John I love you." The words were spoken matter of factly. The truth left her in awe along with him. "I really do love you. In a way that I've never loved any man. I look at you and I see a man I can't live without." She came closer and framed his face. "You are one frustratingly beautiful person. So when I say that I don't want my ex back because you're around, I'm not saying that because I'm trying to protect you from him or because I'm afraid you raise cain if we did try things again. I'm saying it because I want only you. So tell that little voice in your head that's feeding you these lies to shut up. I want you." She inched closer tugging his head down. "You're the only one for me." And then she sealed her words with another kiss.

….

Joss eyed Mr. Han with a mischievous gleam in her eye. Her fingers danced as she moved her next piece. Leaning back she waited. John was saddled close beside her, whispering the moves play by play. He had been right. After opening up in the morning the awkwardness ceased and they started acting like a real couple. It came naturally without much thought.

"Your play Mr. Han."

Mr. Han laughed. "Good move Jocelyn. John's skill is growing. He is instructing you well."

She threw a wink at John. While tugging her coat closer around her neck to ward off the chill.

"But he still has much to learn." Han warned before making his move.

Joss's brow pinched. She was still learning the game, but could tell Han's move was throwing off their game plan.

"He's trying to trick you," John whispered to her ear. He told her the next move to try.

Joss reached out her hand then paused. She pursed her lips to one side thinking.

"What?" John questioned.

She was no expert on the game, but she had a feeling there was a better play to be made. She turned to whisper her idea to John. He considered the board then nodded and smiled. Joss's heart warmed at the sight. After their confessions from the morning, she noticed he smiled more. For a man normally so stoic he knew how to let his smile turn on quickly. "Try it." He said. Joss made her move and they both looked to watch Han's reaction.

His eyes lightened with appreciation, brow lifting high in surprise. "Well played. Perhaps together you will win." He glanced at John. "She is good for you and I like her."

"So do I," John muttered for Joss's ear only, but one look at Han made it clear he had heard the words too.

Joss grinned, her dimple flashing. "I'm glad John brought you to see me Jocelyn. He's never brought any of his friends before. I hope you can visit me again in the near future."

Joss glanced at John then back to Han. "Hopefully in the near future I will."

….

Joss moved closer to John's side, loving being able to hold his hand. He kissed her temple as they walked to the car. "I really like Mr. Han."

"I knew you would."

"Is there an itinerary for today or what? You seemed to know exactly where we're going from one place to the next."

"I did make a plan."

"Oh!" Joss stopped. "Wait before we go, I need to…" John faced her confused, as they stopped by the passenger side door. "Give me your keys." She held her hand out and waited.

"Joss."

"Don't question just give them to me." Obeying John handed the keys over. Tugging John behind her she went to the back of the vehicle. She surveyed the area before unlocking the trunk. "Happy birthday John." She opened the trunk letting him take a look. "I found something to get you. That can be wrapped."

John stared into the trunk to see a red firearm wrapped with a large red bow.

"A Dar-701-4. I needed Finch to help get it here, but it's yours. I'm sure you can find some use for it."

He wouldn't risk taking it out here, so instead he lifted her hand to his lips. "You didn't have to this. You're already giving me the gift I really want."

"I know. I told you I wanted to. I'm going to spoil you today too and you're just going to have deal with it."

The soft look in her face was enough to drag him to his knees. "You are a woman after my own heart."

…..

"Joss!"

Turning, Joss's eyes widened. "Ian! Hey." The distance between them closed and Ian had her in a hug followed by a lingering kiss to her cheek. Joss tucked her hair behind her ear when they parted. "What are you doing here?"

"Here with Alex. Our movie just ended, so we're leaving, but he needed to run to the boys' room."

Joss grinned. "Are you enjoying fatherhood?"

"He's the best thing that's happen to me. I feel inadequate most days."

"Just take it one day at a time. You'll be fine. Fatherhood looks good on you. Oh and word of advice. Treasure these years. Believe me, they go too fast."

"I know. I've already missed so much."

Joss touched his arms comfortingly. "I know it's hard Ian, but he's here now. He'll grow up knowing that you care. I think he knows, if you had the chance, you would've been in his life much sooner."

His eyes looked deep into hers. Joss, familiar with that look, dropped her hand not wanting to mislead him. "It's nice talking to someone who understands. Maybe you should come around some time. Spend a day with both of us."

Joss swallowed devising how best to turn him down. "Ian. I-"

A strong arm snaked around her waist, pulling her to a hard body. John bent to kiss her cheek. His lips moved close to her ear. "Sorry I took so long to get back." He lifted a bucket of popcorn that he held in his free arm.

Joss barely resisted rolling her eyes. He had only been gone a few minutes. John finally turned his head to acknowledge Ian. "Murphy."

"John." The two faced off.

Joss could feel the arrogance radiating off John as he watched Ian's eyes take notice of his arm wrapped possessively around her. Letting all know that she was not only taken, but she was **his**.

"Well, I won't keep you Joss." Ian stepped close and seized her hand. John released her long enough to give Ian a hug.

"I'm so sorry Ian," Joss tried to whisper.

"It's okay Joss. I can take the hint. I need to get Alex anyways. Goodbye John."

John nodded as Ian walked away. Joss hit John's chest. "I can't believe you did that. Was it really necessary John? He was only saying hello. I could've handled it."

"I saw how he was looking at you Joss. Besides I've always wanted to do that."

"Do what?" she snapped.

"Shut down a guy trying to hit on you."

"Yeah, well John I'm only temporarily unavailable."

He shrugged carelessly. "It's not my fault he ran into you on the one day that you are."

She shook her head, grabbing the popcorn. "You're just living out all sorts of fantasies today aren't you."

"I think you really like it Carter."

She smirked. "Just remember baby, two can play that game." When her words sank in she saw the touch of curiosity and the slightest ounce of worry reflect in John's eyes. Smugly Joss walked into the theater, an idea already forming. If John could act on his jealously why couldn't she act on hers? Maybe, just maybe they would cross paths with Zoe's today. All it would take was one call to Finch to track down her location.

…

"Front row seats! Are you nuts?"

"No," John answered with a small half smile tucked in place. He leaned closer keeping his voice low. "But these people will think you are if you don't calm down."

Realizing the ticket man was watching her with a concerned look and that they were drawing stares from those waiting in line, Joss took a breath. Smiling sweetly she gave John a look.

John saw the sweetness of her smile, but having been with her all day taught him how to read her more carefully. Specifically to read in between the lines. This smile said listen very carefully.

"That's really sweet of you, getting court side tickets,"

He understood what she was really saying. _I really do appreciate the thought._

"but baby, you know how I hate being in the spotlight, where everyone will be looking."

 _The whole stadium looking down and free to see a well-known NY cop with a vigilant and fugitive._

"And the thought of being caught on _camera_ and our faces ending up on TV..."

 _Did you happen to forget all the media down near the court? All it takes is one picture, one video for your face to be on TV for the world to see and your enemies to easily track down!_

"So could we please just go with the other seats?"

 _Pick some different seats or the last place you'll find me is here at this game!_

Nodding John returned his attention to the man in the booth. "You heard the lady. I'll still pay for the court side tickets." He glanced at the people in the line behind them. "See that the kids three people down from us, get them."

The man spotted the hopeful kids. "You got it."

Taking the tickets and Joss's hand, he moved out of the line. Joss glanced back. "That was really sweet. You didn't have to give those kids the tickets. You probably made their night." Not wanting any praise, John only shrugged, not sparing Joss a glance.

"You would've done the same thing. Probably more." Joss rolled her eyes. An action not lost on John. All day long he had sang her praises on her good deeds and pure heart.

"What was that for? The eyeroll. I'm just stating the truth. What wouldn't you do to help someone in need?" John was a little concerned. She looked annoyed.

"Maybe. But sometimes I think your view of me… is a little jaded." John's eyes narrowed. He couldn't read between the lines this time. She shook her head before mumbling tightly. "Never mind."

John grabbed Joss' arm and pulled her aside turning her to face him. "No. Tell. Me."

His demanding tone grated her nerves. "Don't tell me what to do John Reese! I'm not scared of you."

"And I'm not scared of your temper. We're not dropping this." He gripped her arms to prove his point.

She jerked in his hold. "John. Let me go. Now! I'm not playing with you."

"Joss."

She groaned going still. "Let's not do this. We're supposed to be having a good time." Not getting into an argument. She had herself to thank for this. Why'd she have to be so uptight?

"You don't think I went into this expecting we wouldn't butt heads at least once today?" She almost laughed. "You started this Joss. I just want you to finish it."

"Fine." She jerked again and he finally let go, knowing she was going to talk. "I think maybe the pedestal you've put me on, is just a little too high. Do you see any of my faults John? Or are you in love with a flawless angel you've created in your mind as a result of your self-loathing?" She had been confident in his love this morning, but as the day ran on, she started to have her doubts. "I love you John. For all that you are. But…do you even see my wrongs, to love me beyond them?"

Everything in him softened. "Joss," he sighed. He couldn't believe he had made her feel this way. He was so bad at relationships. "I know you're not perfect. Your helping me is proof of that. You're stubborn, you're not the most forgiving person, but then you have a hard time apologizing when you need to be forgiven." Joss brow pinched in surprise. "You won't admit when you're wrong to put someone down for bending the law even if you later go bend that same law. You're pushy and you pick fights-"

"OK!" Joss held up a hand. "I get it."

"Do you want to keep going?" he challenged.

Shyly she peered up at him. Embarrassed. "No. You've been more observant than I thought."

"Joss, I know you're not perfect. I never expected you to be. But you **are** perfect for me. You keep me on course. You see the best in people, and that same stubbornness demands the best in people. People like me. You still have a heart to do what is right. You've never lost that. I love **you** Joss. Not a figment of my imagination."

She hugged her waist, fighting the guilt. Suddenly she remembered. John had said she struggled with apologies. Now was a good time to start practicing. "I'm sorry John."

He raised his brow in surprise. "Joss Carter is sorry?"

"Very." He pulled her into his arms kissing the top of her head.

….

"Where are we going?" Joss asked following John's lead to the elevator. They pulled into an old building without John giving her one hint as to where they were or why he brought her here.

"You'll see."

For the past half hour, he had seemed distracted. John knew Joss had noticed his change in mood, but it couldn't be helped. He knew what he was doing now would change everything. There was no going back.

But he owed this to Joss.

Quietly they rode the elevator to the top floor. Taking her hand John led them down a hall. "There is something…I need to fix Joss." She watched him curiously. "Yesterday, you said something I haven't stopped thinking about." He paused at a door. "You said that you could've surprised me with cake at my place, but you didn't know where I lived." She nodded recalling her words. "Well Joss," he visibly swallowed before letting her hand go, and unlocking the door. He pushed it open. "Go in."

Only after several minutes could she make sense of his words and her lips parted in surprise. With cautious steps she moved passed the threshold her eyes sweeping over every detail of the large space. John's place. The forbidden ground. It was him. Just a place to sleep in. A shelter from natural elements. One look made it clear that it was not a home.

Joss' shoulders rose as she inhaled.

What did this mean? Had he changed his mind? Was he considering letting their relationship continue? Is that why he brought her here? To permanently let her in his life? Joss turned to him.

"John…thank you. I know how much…I know what it took for you to bring me here." He didn't speak. "But you know come tomorrow, I'm not going to magically forget this is where you live. Are you sure you're okay with me knowing? Or is this place going up for rent come tomorrow?" She tried to appear calm, but her heart was pounding her ears. She hoped he had changed his mind. As the night went on it became harder and harder to think about saying goodbye to him and all they had shared.

He shook his head. "I'm not moving out. Come here." She obeyed watching as he grabbed an object from on top the counter. He placed it in her palm.

Joss looked down. A key. "John-?"

"It's yours. I need you to have this." His voice was huskier than usual. "If you ever need me…I want you to be able to find me. This is long overdue. We'll always be friends. And if you're ever in trouble, I want you to feel free to come here. I want this to be your safe place. For you and Taylor."

She tried not to let her disappointment show. He hadn't changed his mind about their agreement. But he did want them to be closer friends going forward. She held the key painfully tight. "I love you John."

His fingers ran up her spine and he pulled her close. "I love you too. I know tomorrow everything will-"

She pressed her fingers to his lips. "Shh. I don't want to talk about tomorrow. Just tell me you love me again."

"I love you."

….

Time passed slowly as they talked for hours on his couch. All the while being aware that their time together was drawing to an end. It was well after midnight when John finally suggested to take Joss home. To delay the inevitable they made the journey on foot. They walked and continued to talk. Joss didn't care where they were, or how far they were on their journey, she just followed his lead.

Joss swallowed recognizing where he had brought her. Their meeting place. The place where her world shattered when they were discovered by Donnelly. It was early in the morning, their last stop for the night. The lump in her throat grew painful to hold. She held his hand, following his steps as he led them to the bridge. Time was slipping away and soon she would no longer be able to delay the inevitable. The ache in her chest grew impossibly heavy as they reached the bridge. She tried to memorize the feel of his hand in hers. The firmness of his grip, the callouses on his palms. She didn't know if she could do this. Could let him go.

John couldn't look at her. Not yet. He was slowly trying to put emotional distance between them. Working to put his walls back in place. Which was proving to be quite difficult especially with the way Joss desperately held to his hand as if he were her lifeline.

They stopped, peering out at the water.

"Thank you Joss." John said at last. "This…" he fought for words. "was the best birthday gift you ever could give me."

She nodded blinking back tears. She ran her free hand over his forearm.

Why was he putting them through this? He knew it didn't have to end. She knew it didn't have to end. They **could** be together. If he really wanted. She was angry for having not seen the truth before now. This wish, this one day, was a cheap way out. A way for him to hide. To get what he wanted without getting what he really wanted. Without getting something real. It was a chance for him to look brave, but still act out of fear. Did he even realize what he was doing?

"It's a shame it can't last," she tested hoping he'd take the bait. She was giving him a chance. _Please John, tell me it can._

He stiffened slightly, knowing what she wanted him to say. Knowing that she was asking for what he couldn't give.

"John, what are you so afraid of? I'm here. Why can't you be strong enough to take a risk on love? You take a risk on everything else, **except** love. The one thing you want." She scoffed. "Some detective I am. I should've caught it before. This is the easy way out. It's what you do. First with Jessica, now with me. You walk away. You let me in for a day, what does that prove John? You're the only one for me, why can't you just-"

"Joss." He squeezed her hand in warning and faced her. "Let's not argue. Please." He ran his fingers down her cheek. Her skin was cool. And soft. So very soft. Suddenly she felt too far away. He pulled her to him and rested his head against hers. "Please babe. Don't fight me tonight. This is goodbye. I need it to end as good as it started." His voice was rough with emotion causing Joss's eyes to flood. He gave her a chaste kiss and looked into her eyes.

She wanted to argue with him, but he would reject her if she did. So instead she grabbed him and pulled him to her. Pouring all her love desperately into a kiss. She caressed his face and labored with great patience to make the moment last. Begging him to reconsider.

Feeling her struggle he fiercely kissed her back. With tenderness he wiped her tears away. Treasuring the feeling of having her in his arms for one last time. Treasured knowing that he was with the woman he loved, who loved him back. For a moment he was almost convinced he couldn't let her go. Almost. He lifted his head slowly but held her tightly.

"I love you John Reese." She burrowed against his chest. "You're the only one for me."

He had to let her go. He wouldn't be robbing her of anything in walking away. True robbery would be staying. Believing this could work. He squeezed her one last time then leaned back. Gripping her arms, he undid the hold she had on him and set her away. Her brown eyes revealed her brokenness. The rejection she felt. A look that broke his heart and made him feel lower than scum.

Cupping her face his eyes bore into hers. He had to give her one more thing. One last piece of himself.

"You're the love of my life, Jocelyn."

Before she could respond he withdrew. "I'll get you a cab to take you home." Walking her back to the street, he hailed a cab, opened her door where she climbed in numbly. Paying her fair John closed the door and watched the cab drive away. He welcomed the cold of the night, hoping it would erase the burning in his chest as the women he loved rode out of his sight.


	3. Chapter 3

_"_ _You wanna be brave. Take a risk. Ask me to stay and I will. That would be real courage."_

What was he waiting on? His body was limp against his leather couch. He was still wearing a tattered and bloodstained shirt beneath his suit jacket. The gash in his side from a knife fight remained untreated. He had considered going to Joss's place and letting her patch him up. He wanted to see her. Just wanted to be in her presence. Sheer guilt kept him from making the trip. He was sure he wouldn't be welcomed. At least now she was talking to him. After they parted she had spent a week ignoring his texts and calls. He went into a panic afraid that she was going to walk out of his life for good, but then she finally answered. And went back to helping him with the numbers. But even now that she was back, she wasn't the same woman he knew before. She was distant. Not that he could blame her. He had really screwed things up.

Those beautiful brown eyes were full of misery every time they were together. Misery she tried to hide. Her posture was stiff and she no longer relaxed in his presence. Things had become awkward between them. They were no longer sure how to act around each other. The torture he experienced while in the CIA had been less painful than seeing this shell of the woman he loved. Each night he relived every touch, every kiss, every laugh. And each night he relived those final moments before they parted. The kiss they shared and the pleas she had made. She had accused him of being afraid to take a chance. Accused him of running away.

But he wasn't running away. Why couldn't she see that? It was to her benefit that he left.

Or was it? He paused. The only other woman he had loved he had also left under similar circumstances.

 _"_ _You wanna be brave. Take a risk. Ask me to stay and I will. That would be real courage."_

John hadn't asked Jessica to stay when he had the chance. He remained silent, openly denying her invitation.

 _"_ _John, what are you so afraid of? You take a risk on everything else, except love. The one thing you want."_

When Joss asked him to take a chance, he shut her down then sent her away.

Had Jessica been right? Did he lack real courage when it came to love? Maybe he did. What **was** he so afraid of?

Failure definitely was a huge part. He was afraid if he went into a relationship he would screw things up and it would end badly. Or that he wouldn't be enough to keep a woman. He came with a lot of baggage. It would take a strong woman to love him and stay by his side.

A woman like Joss.

He had been right to be afraid with Jessica. He had even been right to walk away. He wasn't the right man for her. She wasn't strong enough to fight his fight. He ran on a different ammunition. And she never would have adapted to his world.

But there was no doubt that Joss was strong enough to handle him. She had been piecing his broken heart back together since the moment she walked in his life. She knew the cruelties of war and had learned how to cope. She was good for him.…And he was good for her too. He really was. She was his better half. And he was hers. He sighed closing his eyes facing the truth. **He** was **good** for somebody. Jocelyn, as strong as she was, **needed** him. John swallowed as a tear slid down his cheek.

Jessica had been right. He lacked real courage.

Joss needed a man who would step up. One brave enough to take a risk. Could he be that man? The one who had real courage. And did he even want to try?


	4. Chapter 4

"Fusco, I'm not feeling this." Joss spoke to the phone in her ear. She tugged at her black leather dress.

"Carter there's nothing to worry about."

"Easy for you to say," She muttered. "I have no idea what I'm walking into." Her eyes nervously glanced around the restaurant, noting the dim lighting.

 _"_ _That's why you got me here. To back you up."_

How did she say that didn't bring her much comfort? She trusted her partner, but she wished John was backing her up. Even though things had been awkward she would feel safer if he were here.

"Who's the table under?" She asked Fusco.

 _"_ _Uh, Stewart. Mike Stewart."_

Giving the host a charming smile Joss spoke. "Table for Mike Stewart."

He looked her over with an admiring gaze. "This way."

With a confidence she did not feel Joss strutted behind the host to an empty table located in a dark corner. Great. Mike Stewart hadn't arrived yet. She knew his type. He was probably somewhere hiding. Watching her every move and scoping her out for any weakness. She sighed as she waited, taking a sip of her water and scanning the restaurant.

"Fusco, I hope this tip is worth it-"

The sound of rustling plastic drew her attention and she turned. Her glass almost slipped from her hand as she watched John slide into the booth, holding rich red roses in his hand. Her heart picked up speed and she fought to keep her expression indifferent. Why was he here? And what was with the roses?

"John? You must be the mysterious Mike Stewart." She guessed.

 _"_ _John's there? Alright he's got you from here partner. Good night."_

Frowning Joss touched her ear. "Fusco? Fusco!" It was useless. He was gone. She took a breath trying to calm down. Clearly she had been set up and she wasn't in the mood for games.

"You know John if you needed my help, you could've just asked. No need to go through Fusco." Leaning back he watched her. "So who's the number? One of the couples here tonight? Whatever the case I'm sure there's a good story behind it. Are we supposed to be just another couple out to enjoy a romantic evening? What's our cover?" Her voice was cold and dripped with sarcasm as she let her eyes linger on the roses.

"No number." His voice was soft, hesitant. Lacking its normal confidence and strength.

"No number?" Her brow pinched. Leaning across the table she lowered her voice concern creeping onto her face. "Are you and Finch in some kind of trouble?"

"No. But I appreciate your concern."

Sitting back Joss folded her arms. She was tired of guessing. "Then why am I here?"

John tugged at his unbuttoned collar. It was hot in here. And most of the heat was coming from the very angry woman sharing the table with him. "No numbers. No cases. Nothing. And the flowers… They're for you." He handed them to her.

Reluctantly she took them bringing them close. Her suspicions rose. " _You know what I miss most about being in a relationship are the little things. Somebody calling you for no reason other than to hear your voice. Or getting flowers not for any special occasion. But just because somebody loves you."_ She recalled the words she had told him that day. She couldn't help, but wonder if this little gift had anything to do with what she had shared. Setting the roses onto the table she took another sip of her water. "You trying to thank me for something John? You didn't have to go through all this trouble"

"Joss," he said suddenly. He was growing tired of seeing her like this. Rubbing his hands together he tried to think. "I-" He wished he was more eloquent. If he were threatening someone words would come easy, but this was Joss. A heartbroken Joss. "I needed to see you."

She stiffened. "You've seen me several times this week if I recall. Which is way more than you saw of me last week."

"I think you know what I'm really saying."

Joss's fingers curled into a fist at the gentle tone he used. A tone she noticed he used only with her. A tone that had nearly brought her to her knees for twenty-four hours. Her nails bit into her flesh. She couldn't let him get to her. "Why don't you just say what's really on your mind John?" she snapped.

"I miss you." He sounded parched. She wasn't going to make this easy for him. And he couldn't blame her. "I want to be with you. I can't live like this."

Rage flashed in her eyes. "John. You made your choice. You said one day. That's what **you** wanted-"

"I know! Joss baby I know." He could see her slipping out of his grasp and like a dying man he was clinging to a hope. Standing he rounded the table and knelt at her side. "I know you're mad at me. I left you when you gave me the chance to make this real. You were right. I am scared. You- **this** it scares me. But Joss I was wrong. One day isn't enough. I want you for the rest of my life. Joss," his voice dropped lower. "I want to be brave for you. I want to take a risk on us. And if anyone walks away again, I promise you it won't be me." He leaned in as close as he dared to whisper in her ear. "Please babe. Please give me another chance." She kept her head lowered, causing her face to be hidden by her dark hair. John wanted to move the strains back so he could see her face, but knew he had forfeited the right to touch her.

Joss was rigid as bitter tears dripped and dropped from her eyes. She couldn't believe he was here. After two weeks of heartache and longing for him. Two weeks of sneaking to his home when it was empty just to feel connected to the real John. Two weeks of dreaming and replaying good memories. Of trying to forget how it felt when he packed her up and made her take that long cold and lonely cab ride home. But now he was here. The tables had turned. **He** was the one asking for a chance and now it was her call. She shivered at his nearness. Even though he had hurt her, she still wanted him. She would always want him. Finally, she lifted her head. "Don't do this to me again John. Never again."

His face was contorted in humble guilt and agony. "I promise. No matter what I'm not going anywhere."

She sighed knowing he meant it. He was all in. She could see fear in his eyes, but she also saw the courage of a soldier who was willing and ready to give all for a cause. Reaching out she touched his face, seeing his whole body relax at the contact. "I missed you."

Instantly he wrapped his arms around her, holding her close to him. He placed a kiss to her head, temple, cheek, before capturing her lips all while Joss whispered that she loved him again and again. Joss came back to life in that moment. All the pain of the past two weeks drained away as she lingered in his embrace.

Although John was still fearful, he never felt more certain. Never felt more at peace with a decision he had made. Finally they pulled away, both smiling for the first time in two weeks. Scooting over Joss tugged John onto the booth beside her, she stroked his face, as he kept one arm draped around her. John stared deep into her eyes, letting himself drown a little bit more.

"So what changed your mind?"

"You won't believe it. It was Jessica."

"You're right. I don't believe it. How did **she** change your mind?"

"Remember how I told you I ran into her at an airport before she married her husband?" Joss nodded. "And she gave me a chance to stop her? She said if I wanted to be brave I would take a risk and ask her to stay. I didn't ask her and now I know why I didn't. I wasn't supposed to take that risk with her. Even if I was, I wasn't brave enough to do it. But I wanted to be brave enough for you." He trailed his finger down her cheek. More tears appeared in her eyes as she understood his meaning. "They were the right words, but the wrong time and the wrong woman."

More tears fell, that she fought to stop. Joss wrapped her arms around his waist. Closing her eyes she rested against him. She basked in being able to love this man. John ran his fingers through her hair. He was never going to let this woman go, he thought as he held her a little title. She had given him a gift he would never again take for granted. The privilege of taking care of her. His chest suddenly rumbled as he laughed. "What?" she questioned curiously.

"I was just thinking, I owe you big for your birthday. So you should start thinking of a wish."

She chuckled. He did owe her. And she instantly had the perfect gift in mind. _Mrs. Jocelyn Reese_. The name had a nice ring to it. Joss smirked. "Don't worry John. I'm sure I'll think of something."

 **Thank you to all the guests who commented and left reviews. They are such a huge motivation, trust me. And thanks to all of those who stayed with this story and left comments. Hearing your thoughts always makes this even more enjoyable. I also have to give props to Ravenhusker. I'll finally admit you read me like a book from cover to cover in your review. I didn't want to admit you were right until the end of the story, but yep you figured out my plan for the story and you were dead on. Hope you all enjoyed the ending!** **J**


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